Mothering Sunday March 2nd (UK)
We all have difficult days to cope with. We all have a birthday or an anniversary that we know is going to be marked with sadness. Friends and acquaintances will tell us to “Hang in there”, they tell us “Be strong”…
The sentiment is sweet but the message is hollow.
Mothering Sunday is the day I seem to struggle with the most. It is the day that I used to long for. As a child growing up I would save up all of my pocket money so that I could buy a trinket that would tell my mum that I loved her more than any child could love a mum. Now whether that was a 60 pence book mark or a £1 spent on a glass candle stick holder, it didn’t matter to her. As far as she was concerned she had just received a golden nugget.
When I became a mother myself the day had much more of a different meaning to me. Of course I hear people saying “its commercial rubbish!”, “You don’t need a day to show appreciation for a loved one!” I agree, of course you don’t but with ‘Mothering Sunday’ instilled from when we were very small, it’s hard to pull away from such a tradition. Perhaps, in a way, I am playing up to the commercial side whereby they hope to use things like guilt against us.
As a mother giving to a mother I was more determined to ensure that the day be marked in a way that would best befit a mother who deserved to have the whole world wrapped up with a big pink bow on top of it. I now knew some of the hardships, the worries and the insecurities that motherhood brought with it. It was far more serious a day than it had ever been before motherhood.
I tell my children now to save their money; not to waste it on me; I tell them that I know how much they care…..
I have no right to do that. If they get anywhere near the same amount of joy and satisfaction that I did when buying for my mum then I have no right to take that away. I have so many wonderful memories tied to Mothers’ Day.
The last Mothering Sunday when I felt happiest was March 2003. I can remember the gift I gave and I now have the card I gave her too.
Without her in my life Mothers Day is hard, it feels empty and unnecessary because if I can’t go out and buy something to watch her receive then I don’t want it to be at all.
I’ll put on my mask, I’ll smile and be surprised, I’ll cuddle my children and be thankful. Not for the gifts they give but for the gifts they are.
I’ll hold onto my memories and I’ll always remember that everything I am now is a result of how outstanding she was.
Tags: Gifts, Hope, Love, Mothers Day
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February 27, 2008 at 4:13 pm
This is one blog which really requires no comment. You’ve said it all.
February 27, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Well I appreciate you coming over to tell me that Harry. I really do.
February 27, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Dear Daffy, you’ve consistently shown your love and respect for your mother and I love how you frequently memorialize her at this time (and other significant times). I know people mean well when they say those comments that seem hollow to you. I think your rich relationship with your mother was unique. Hugs to you on this Mothering holiday.
February 27, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Thank you Nikki. Yes, I’ve read it back and I agree it does seem that I am ungrateful when I recieve a kind word which couldn’t be farther from the truth. I appreciate kind words and thoughts more than anything else in the world I think I was just trying to illustrate that although the thought is there it doesn’t always ease the pain. Gosh, I’m so sorry if you took it another way, I surely didn’t mean it that way. xxxx
February 27, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Mother’s Day was always the day that DEPRESSED me because my mom always expected to be treated like a beloved Queen. I didn’t live in the same state as her and she seemed a little nuts to me.
I always hoped if I ignored the day, so would she, but it never happened like that.
There is nothing like the feeling of being held emotionally hostage by your mother. Let your kids enjoy you.
Why are you uncomfortable with receiving love?? Are you like this in other areas of your life to?
Try to enjoy this Mother’s Day. You are someone who deserves what she receives. Besides, you are interrupting the circle of giving and receiving if you don’t!
February 27, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Daffy, I don’t mean that I have taken your statement to be a sign of ungratefulness! What I meant was that people’s responses may not lift your burden, but they still mean well. And I quite agree with you – some griefs can’t be lightened or erased. And you would not be you if you didn’t love and miss your mum as you do. Hugs to you, dearheart.
February 27, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Such sentiments are often not appreciated, or perhaps misinterpreted, by both people like yourself who have good reason to be sad on such an occasion and by those who have not suffered a similar loss. It’s a gulf in understanding that is difficult both to come to terms with and sometimes even to live with when there is this mental conflict.
I applaud the fact that you voice your emotions as you do in this entry as it’s something many of us would be unable, or unwilling, to do. xx
February 27, 2008 at 8:40 pm
It seems to me that you and your mother were blessed to have each other. Not you are also blessed to have your own children.
February 27, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Hi Daffy, this is a lovely post, I have read it through, but it is worthy of another read or two! I shall e-mail you tomorrow if I can, what I may want to say is probably too long for a blog comment. x
February 27, 2008 at 11:10 pm
When I was a child I asked (or maybe someone else did and my old mind is misremembering)
“why is there a mother’s day and a father’s day (then, later ‘grandparents’ … week?”) but no children’s day?”
whoever was asked, replied “because every day is children’s day”
At the time, I think I thought something like “ha, cop out!” but really I understood. It’s like you say Daffy, there isn’t a need for a single day to tell those we love we love them; to share with them the happiness they share with us. The people we love know we love them. And we are all children, even if we are adults. But I think I’m in danger in slipping off on a tangent and not getting back to whatever it is I was planning to say … my earliest memories of mothering Sunday involve making cards at school that I’d try to hide until Sunday; then getting older and buying little potted flowers from the local greengrocer (and again, trying to hide them – and keep them alive
)
a much more innocent time before everything was Hallmark, Interflora and Thorntons…
I thought about you today while I was passing the various gaudily decorated stores because I knew it’d be a hard time of year for you.
If it were me in the situation I would try and spend a few moments to think of my mum and remember some of the happy times spent; trying not to be sad because I’d know, where ever she was, she’d be looking down and smiling, happy and proud.
Keeping loved ones in our mind, remembering the happy times; it’s probably the best gift we can ever give to anyone. It’s being thought of that’s appreciated.
tight hugs
M
February 28, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Happy Mother’s Day, Tracey. You must have been a tremendous source of joy to your mum, as she obviously was to you. Remember that you are still b/c you are a truly wonderful mother. Enjoy your special day, even if your heart is tinged with a little sadness.
February 28, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Beautiful entry! I relate to it so much except it’s with my dad.
I TOTALLY understand your meaning behind “The sentiment is sweet but the message is hollow”. I think anyone whose lost a dear, dear loved one understands that statement’s meaning.
“Not for the gifts they give but for the gifts they are”. Beautiful.
All though the day is tainted- have a good Mothers day.
*hugs*
February 29, 2008 at 4:46 am
This is a beautiful tribute to your mother, dear Daffy! Thank you for posting it. You’ve touched feelings within me.
February 29, 2008 at 12:21 pm
I just wanted to say many thanks for the kind words and the kind thoughts.
You are all so very supportive and I just wanted to let you know it is appreciated.
xxx
February 29, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Hi sweet pea. This was a very heartfelt entry. I can only imagine your feeling of “loss” during this time but try to remember that now that you are a mum, this day is too for YOU!!! Let your kids love you and show you how very special you are without you feeling like you have to put on a “mask” to do it. That in it self takes away from your kids joy cause as much as you think you are fooling them, you’re not. They too know how much you love and miss your mum so don’t try to hide that feeling from them. I’m sure they miss and love their Grandmother in their own way and you guys can share in that feeling together. Love and comfort eachother. I dont believe that any feelings should be held back from the ones you love. Honestly is a big part of healing honey!
You take care and enjoy your kiddies loving you this sunday………..it’s your day too hon!
February 29, 2008 at 4:06 pm
I can only imagine your loss and pain honey. Please try to remember though that you being a mother too intitles you to be spoiled on this lovely day. I know you feel lost with out your mum but this is a time for your kids to tell you how GREAT you are. It’s the cycle of life honey. And don’t worry hon, your mum KNOWS now more then ever how much you love her. That alone is the best gift ever!
Take care sweetie!
March 1, 2008 at 2:53 am
Our Mother’s Day is the 2nd Sunday in May. Here too, we have much advertising and such for gifts and cards.
I am sorry for your loss. Your children can see the great honour you have for your mom. You are a blessing to them as you were to her.
March 1, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Many thanks MM & Dawn for taking the time to comment.
)
MM – You are not going mad! ;o) I found your first comment in my Spam Catcher. xx
March 3, 2008 at 4:07 pm
HAHAHAHA, that’s why I posted another comment the next day cause I didn’t see it on your wall. Weird hu? And of course I’m a little mad my dear, I have an 18 month old to keep up with!
March 8, 2008 at 8:22 am
Our Mother’s Day is the 2nd Sunday in May.The card from your daughter is very beautiful and your gifts too!
I hope you enjoyed the Westlife concert!Great pictures!
March 8, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Thanks Steffi! I hope you had a great birthday! xx